Category: Faith

Faith vs What If

As I have mentioned in my previous writings, since I have had my stroke, I have struggled with some “what ifs” about my future. What if the aphasia doesn’t go away? What if I have another stroke? What if it is worse the next time? Every time I get a headache, have tingling in my hands, or have trouble remembering things, I have a moment when I think of the what ifs. I know that I can’t control whether I have another stroke any more than I can control any other event that might happen to me or my family. This is just so close, and it took me so off guard that I am holding onto it more than I would like.

Since my stroke, there have been other things that have happened to my family—disappointments, hurts, relationship struggles, medical events, grief. I haven’t been able to control any of those things, but I can control my response to them and how I support the people closest to me.

My faith tells me that God is sovereign—in control of the big picture and the small details. I do not need to be anxious about anything because God is already in my future and knows the number of my days. I wholeheartedly believe that. However, it is tough for me to rest in that belief in the day to day. My circumstances have been shaken, but my faith has not. I am trying to reconcile my circumstances in light of my faith. It is not easy. If I am completely honest, I often fail because the voice of my what if is so loud. I will get there, but it will take time. As patient as everyone has been with my communication struggles, God is infinitely more patient. I am not perfect in my reliance on Him—far from it—and that didn’t just change when I had a stroke or when my family has faced other tough circumstances. I have never been, and I likely will never be perfectly reliant. That’s ok, though, because as I am imperfect and hard on myself, God responds with patience, grace and mercy.

That’s why God is God, and I am not.

Thanks for reading. 😊 EW

Practical Gratitude & Positivity

Originally written 4/10/2022

I have found myself thinking a lot lately about gratitude and positivity. I believe that God created me for a purpose and gifted me with skills and abilities to equip me for that purpose. I believe that, by God’s grace and mercy, I am gifted with so much more than I deserve. I believe that I can speak life into others, be a light in dark places, and spread more positivity than grumpiness. Unfortunately, belief doesn’t translate to practicing gratitude or positive focus as much or as quickly as it should sometimes. I get bogged down by circumstances, stuck in my feelings, or too busy looking at others around me, and then I fail to see all that I have and all the good that is around me.

 I think it is a normal, human condition to skip gratitude at times, and instead look at what we lack. I certainly don’t expect to be continuously happy when things are crappy. However, even in the crappiest of circumstances, I want to be someone who strives to be grateful. It isn’t about pretending that difficult things don’t exist or spreading fake sunshine. It is more about getting out of my own way and seeing that I have a choice in how I process and handle things. I can choose to see a moment of difficulty as a moment, or I can choose to let it impact my entire day. I can choose to be stuck in my grumpiness, exhaustion, or defeat, or I can choose to take a deep breath and do what I need to do to rest and heal and allow those feelings to pass. I can choose to see others around me as competition or I can choose to celebrate the highs and support the lows of others whenever I can.

I ultimately think it comes down to looking to myself less and to others more. Self-awareness is important, but too much self-focus doesn’t put me where I want to be. To effectively speak life, be a light and spread positivity, I must focus on the good and the things that I am grateful for—otherwise I won’t have the positive focus to pass to others. I am certainly not always where I want to be on this. Last week at work, I spoke negativity out of raw feeling that wasn’t beneficial for anyone to hear. I likely made a very different first impression on a few co-workers than I intended. Thankfully I was able to regroup, and my coworkers were gracious. I am I work in progress.

To the other works in progress on the gratitude and positivity front, I see you. It is tough to keep a positive focus amid so much negativity and so many difficult circumstances. It is a journey that takes making one positive choice and then another, owning your mistakes, and offering yourself grace. You’ve got this!!

Thanks for reading 😊 EW

Pray continually?? Really?

Originally posted 11/4/2020

1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18

16 Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

What comes to mind when you think about praying continually? If mission impossible comes to mind, then you are thinking like I have. Continually means “without stopping or interruption” (Thank you, Merriam-Webster.com). That means All. The. Time. How is that possible?

When we think about what it takes to pray continually, we need to get a few things sorted out. First, God is not asking us to be on our knees, with our prayer shawl, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to the exclusion of everything else forever. That is not reasonable or practical, and God is both. He understands our humanity, our needs, and our limits better than we do because He created us. There are other things that we need to accomplish each day of our lives, and God has called us and commanded us to those just as much as he has said that we should be praying all the time.

Praying continually is about adopting a continual attitude of prayer and engaging in continual conversation with our beloved Father. Prayer doesn’t have to be a formal, set aside time in a specific posture, but prayer should be intentional. As with any spiritual discipline, it takes intentional thought, planning, and scheduling to ensure our habits are strong. It is important to make prayer a priority throughout the day—adopting a continual attitude of prayer as we go about our day. Here is how this looks in my world:

  • Morning prayer: As I am opening my eyes to a new day, I take time to thank God for the opportunities the day brings. I ask that He go with me throughout my day, guarding my heart and mind and guiding my steps. Ideally my day also begins with a short devotion that generally has a guided prayer time on that topic. Admittedly, I am better at the prayer than I am about the devotion, especially if I am pressed for time in the morning. Sometimes my devotion is read while I’m drying my hair, packing my lunch or in pieces at stoplights during my drive to work! Regardless of my sometimes-lackluster devotion habits, my prayer habit remains intentional.
  • “I’ll pray for you” prayer: How many times do we tell others that we will pray for them? How often do we actually do it? I am awed and inspired by folks who will stop and pray with the person in that moment. I have managed that with close friends and family members, but my courage for it wanes with people I don’t know as well. However, I am working diligently to take the time to pray for that person as soon as possible after I say that I will. The more intentional I have been about this; the more God brings that person to mind throughout the day.
  • Mealtime prayer: I worked hard to build this habit with my children, and still do when they come home to visit. However, it has taken longer for me to build it for myself. When I am at work, I often eat at my desk—not really taking the time to use lunch as a break. Taking the moment to pause for intentional prayer puts a bit of a break into my hectic day and helps set my focus back to Who I am really working for. At dinner, it is a great time to reflect on the day.
  • Prayers of gratitude: Stopping, even for a moment, to thank God for my surroundings, moments of blessing during the day, finding things I have misplaced, and helping me to guard my tongue in moments where a nasty comment/comeback is brewing helps keep my focus on His sovereignty and provision throughout the day.
  • Bedtime prayer: These are often some of my shortest, sleepiest prayers. However, I am sure that God hears them. I take a moment to thank Him again for getting me through the day and ask Him to grant rest for me and for those I love.

There is no substitute for dedicated time of prayer and meditation—journal and scripture in my lap, a cup of coffee in my hand, relishing the quiet of the moment to listen to God’s voice. I cherish those times, but let’s be honest, those moments are not as frequent as I would like. Talking to God throughout my day is a much more frequent habit than my dedicated prayer times. I appreciate the connection to God and the connection He gives me to others as He brings them to mind to cover in prayer.

Thanks for reading! 😊EW

Prayer

Originally posted 10/15/2020

The topic of prayer has been coming up over and over in the past few weeks in my daily devotions, in conversations I’m having, and even on social media. It is a huge topic—and will likely cover a number of posts to discuss the when, how, why, and what of prayer. A few days ago, I tuned into a virtual women’s conference only to find that the topic was prayer. I have a pass to another virtual event on prayer to watch within the next month. Emails and social media posts from churches are focused on prayer. With everything going on in the world, many are looking at prayer with a new perspective. With churches going online only for several weeks (and some still more online than in person), personal prayer has come to the forefront. We don’t have as many venues for corporate prayer when we aren’t in church services and don’t have Bible studies, small groups, or prayer meetings to attend. We have had to get personal with prayer, stretching spiritual muscles that many of us haven’t used as regularly as we might be willing to admit—and that is a good thing!

Prayer has always been a favorite spiritual discipline of mine. It is definitely a discipline, and it takes practice. While there is no right or wrong way to pray, being truly vulnerably, transparent and open with God in prayer is something that takes time to do well and be comfortable with. Vulnerability comes more easily when things are difficult—hurt, hardship, pain, and overwhelm can often be poured out to God in words, tears, and groans that He hears and understands. But what about prayer in the day to day? Praying when things are going well, or even just ok, can feel awkward, and often less important than talking with God about the big, hard, awful stuff of life. Does God really care about the day to day? Are the ins and outs of my life important enough to bring to Him?

Yes, they are. The God of all creation knit you together in your mother’s womb. He knows the number of your days, the hairs on your head, and every thought you will ever think before you think it. He is all about the day to day. He is as with us in the small stuff as He is in the monumental moments. Prayer is a conversation. Just as you would call or text your closest friend when something comes to mind—big, small, good, bad, or even something that only the two of you will understand and relate to—God is there in that same way. When we talk to our closest friends, we spend less time making sure that our specific words and phrases are perfect. We just know that they understand. They get us, and we know it. In that same way, prayer doesn’t have to be elaborate. The specific phrases and words are less important than the reality of our heart.

In later posts, I will share more about specifics of prayer—Scriptures, strategies, journals, and resources that I can share. I am excited to dig deeper into all that prayer is and how valuable it is in growing our relationship with God. I hope you will join me!

Until then…thanks for reading! 😊 EW

Peace

Originally posted 10/11/20

Psalm 4

1 Answer me when I call to you,

    my righteous God.

Give me relief from my distress;

    have mercy on me and hear my prayer.

2 How long will you people turn my glory into shame?

    How long will you love delusions and seek false gods?

3 Know that the Lord has set apart his faithful servant for himself;

    the Lord hears when I call to him.

4 Tremble and do not sin;

    when you are on your beds,

    search your hearts and be silent.

5 Offer the sacrifices of the righteous

    and trust in the Lord.

6 Many, Lord, are asking, “Who will bring us prosperity?”

    Let the light of your face shine on us.

7 Fill my heart with joy

    when their grain and new wine abound.

8 In peace I will lie down and sleep,

    for you alone, Lord,

    make me dwell in safety.

In April, 2018 my grandmother was in the hospital. She had broken her hip and needed surgery to repair it. Trauma, pain, and pain medication do not mix with dementia well—particularly with the added elements of a different place, different staff, and a very different routine. My grandmother spent the majority of those days very confused, and the nights were worse. After spending 36 hours at the hospital, a sweet nurse encouraged me to leave for the night and try to get some rest. I asked that she call if there were any issues and left with my mom—hoping to sleep at her house for the night. About 15 minutes after my mom and I got to her house, we got the call that my grandmother was confused and agitated. When darkness hit, she believed that she had been kidnapped and was being held in a basement by her kidnappers. I made my way back to the hospital to sit with her again.

She was agitated and scared when I got there, not remembering her surgery, not understanding why she was there, seeing things on her walls and in the corners of her room (thanks to the Morphine she had been given), and not recognizing me. I sat down, took her hand, and tried to soothe her. After what seemed like hours of her continued fear and unrest, I was out of words. Nothing I was saying was bringing her comfort, though she would not let go of my hand. I opened my Bible and quietly began reading Psalms. When I got to Psalm 4, she calmed. I continued repeating it until she fell asleep and then prayed it over her as she slept.

God’s Word brings peace—even when nothing else can. He alone makes us dwell in safety. We have nothing to fear because He is with us. Circumstances and situations can bring feelings of fear, especially as those situations feel like they are closing or leaving us with no way out. He is with us in those feelings as well. He goes before us, beside us and behind us as we walk through those times.

I continued to read Psalm 4 to my grandmother every night I spent with her during that hospital stay and all the others she had in her remaining days. It brought us both peace and memories to cherish.

Thanks for reading! 😊 EW

The Power of Music

Originally posted 9/26/2020

I have always been very focused on music. I started singing in my church choir when I was in third grade, and I continued singing at school and church through college and into adulthood. Worship times at summer camp, singing choruses with my peers were moments of true beauty. Singing hymns, Requiem masses, and other sacred music with my choirs in high school and college brought me chills.

When my kids were born, I was continuously singing to, then with them. We have jokingly said time and again that we live in a musical. Songs were the easiest way to teach Scripture verses, the books of the Bible, and elements of God’s character—thanks to both VeggieTales and Bible Songs tapes & CDs. If they were asked, my kids would probably both say that they remember more songs than spoken memory verses. While I will grant that one must dig below the surface to find the positive life lesson in “I Love My Lips” or “Where is My Hairbrush?”, it is there and it is important. God’s character is evident in the silly life lessons as much as the serious.

My deepest interactions with God have often involved songs, whether listening to praise music, singing in the shower, or worshiping at church, it is not uncommon for me to be overwhelmed to tears. Music reminds me how big, how good, how powerful, and how merciful God is, even when I’m struggling to hear Him in other ways. In the most difficult seasons of my life, I have relied on music for those reminders. God is my refuge & strength, He makes me brave, He is a good, good Father, my soul longs for Him, and He loves me. The connection with music has often encouraged me to search Scripture for the verses in the songs I love. My time in prayer is often deepened by music as well. Sometimes songs say what I can’t put into words.

Now that I travel so much for work (pre-pandemic more than currently, of course), taking my drive time for worship, prayer, and a reminder of God’s sovereignty in the midst of the chaos of life helps me to keep my focus on Him rather than the difficulties of day to day life and work. I find myself thankful for the drive time rather than dreading it because it gives me time to connect with Him.

If you are feeling distant from God, struggling to connect with Him or understand what He has for you, try music. Some of my favorites are Casting Crowns, Mercy Me, Hillsong, Meredith Andrews, and Lauren Daigle. Skillet, Newsboys, Third Day, Kutless & Switchfoot are also good. Whatever you listen to, listen for the lyrics…listen for God’s voice.

Thanks for reading! 😊 EW

Trust

Originally posted 9/22/2020

When we look at the topic of trust, especially in how trust
relates to faith, we often have more questions than answers. What is trust?
What does it look like? How do we grow in trust? How do we know we are trusting
in the right things? What are the right things to trust in? Today, my hope is
to look through Scripture and try to put together some answers.


According to Dictionary.com, trust is “reliance on the
integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence”


When we look at trust we are talking about integrity,
strength, ability…having confidence in someone or something that displays these
traits. To get through day to day life, we have to trust in things: If I am
walking across a bridge, I need to be able to trust that it won’t fall around
me. When I am rappelling, I need to trust that my gear won’t drop me. When I am
using my GPS, I have to trust that it will get me where I need to go. For those
things, trust often comes with perception and previous experience. However,
when we encounter a situation where our perception is inaccurate or our
previous experience has been disappointing or traumatic, trust can be lost. The
integrity of the object of our trust is so important to our confidence. To be
trusted, one must be trustworthy. Trust, once lost, is difficult to regain for
this reason.


Psalm 119:41-42 “May your unfailing love
come to me, Lord, your salvation, according to your promise; then I can answer
anyone who taunts me, for I trust in your word.” (NIV)


Psalm 52:8b “I trust in God’s unfailing
love for ever and ever.” (NIV)


Trust is not a human construct—it is a command and a sign of
obedience to God. When we apply human terms to the concept of trust, we will be
let down. Fellow humans, and those things constructed by humans, even in the
best of circumstances, are flawed. Our perceptions and discernment are also
flawed. That makes for a tough combination when it comes to trust.


Isaiah 26:4 “Trust in the Lord forever, for
the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal.” (NIV)


Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all
your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to
him, and he will make your paths straight.” (NIV)


Psalm 37:3 “Trust in the Lord and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.” (NIV)


Trusting in God doesn’t mean that life will be easy.
Straight paths aren’t guaranteed to be smooth and without difficulty. When we
trust God, we are trusting His character, His strength, His integrity. We trust
that he wants the best for us and will see us through any and all
circumstances. We trust that we can rely on Him even when things aren’t going
how we want.


God will put people in our lives to walk through those
circumstances with us. Those people are human, and they are flawed. We are
human, and we are flawed. When we trust people, we have to do so with the
understanding that both our trust and their trustworthiness is imperfect.
Trusting people cannot be the same as trusting in God. It has taken me a long
time to understand the difference, and that has been the source of hurt in my
life at times. I am not good at trust, but I am learning. With God’s perfect help,
I am a work in progress.


Thanks for reading! 😊 EW



Lessons of Faith

Originally posted 9/16/2020

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see” Hebrews 11:1

Faith…such a small and simple word with such an enormous depth of meaning. Based on the definition provided by the apostle Paul in the book of Hebrews, faith seems pretty straightforward. Answer a couple of questions (what do I hope for? What am I certain of?) and bam—there is your faith. In practical application it is a big ask.

What do I hope for?

Again, at first glance, this seems like such a simple question. I hope that my kids will stay healthy. I hope that they will follow God’s path and find peace and contentment where He has called them to go. I hope the Cardinals win the World Series and the Chiefs win the Super Bowl. I always hope to eat more cake. As humans, we are often flippant with the idea of hope, seeing it as a wish list of sorts. True hope is so much more than that. True hope isn’t about wishful thinking. It is about trust and belief and an understanding that there is more to life than present reality and circumstances. Faith means that what you hope for is grounded in more than wishes. It is grounded in the One who provides the certainty. God provides the certainty. Faith is more about trusting His character, His Word, and His ways more than wishing for the end result. When we trust that God is who He says He is and intends for the good of those He created and loves. We might not be sure of the specifics of our hope, but we are sure of the One in whom we hope. Whatever He has for us, wherever our path takes us, He is there, and He is sovereign.

When I hope, I have hope in who God is—that He will never leave me, that there is nowhere I can go that He isn’t with me. With that knowledge, the details are less important. The greatest hope of my faith is that I am always sure of God’s character and how much He loves me.

What am I certain of?

The cliché says that the only certainties are death and taxes. On this earth, that is true. However, both death and taxes can be seen, even if not always understood. Death and taxes have evidence. What about the things we can’t see? How certain can we be of those? Love, emotions, trust, things that can’t be quantified. How can we be certain? Again, my only response is God. I am certain of God. I am certain of who He is, and what He wants for me. He asks that I trust in Him rather than my own understanding (Ps 3:5-6), that I remember that He knit me together (Ps. 139:13), that I rejoice, turn to Him, and give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thes 5:16-18)—things that are not visible without faith in Him. Only by being certain of His character, His word, and His ways can we be certain of all else. All circumstances—good or bad—are steps in our path and part of the journey. God is sovereign and with me on that path, no matter where it takes me.

That is faith. That makes me grateful—He is in control. He sees a bigger picture than I could ever see. He knows how all of the small pieces fit together from my first day to my last, making me thankful that I can rest in Him rather than having to figure it all out myself.

Thanks for reading! 😊 EW