Tag: Life lessons

A New Chapter

I left my full-time job about a month ago. I had been with the same company (more or less…) for 2 months short of 16 years. During that time, I held 4 roles, supervised dozens of employees, and survived an acquisition. I went from being in one office full time to traveling between 2 offices and then traveling among 5 offices and then mostly working from home except for monthly site visits. This stage in my career saw me recovering from a divorce, raising my kids, surviving the pandemic as an “essential worker,” and recovering from a stroke. Many of the lessons I have learned about leadership, both what to do and what not to do came from this job. I have grown as a person and as a leader as a result.

It’s a strange experience when leaving a work-from-home job. On my last day, I finished tying up the last of the loose ends and then shut down my computer. There was no boxing up my office, saying goodbye to my coworkers, or walking out of the building. I had said goodbye to some folks in person in the week prior to leaving, and some of my team had a virtual meeting full of goodbyes, but at the final moment, it was strange to just get up from my desk and walk to my kitchen. The primary closure came when I didn’t log back in to my computer after the weekend. Just like that, I was done.

Before any of you think that I just went crazy and quit my job, I didn’t. It was intentional and with a plan that was over a year in the making. In May, 2024, I knew that my current job was not where I needed to be for several reasons. I spent some time brushing up my resume and looking for other positions, but that was yielding only frustration. (from my fellow job hunters, can I get an Amen!!) As I was trying to work through the stress and frustration, I had a crazy thought of going back to my degree and what I had been intending to do when I graduated 15 years prior. Maybe, just maybe I could go into professional counseling and marriage & family therapy!

The first hurdle in that plan was figuring out if my degree still met the requirements for licensure, which, thankfully, it did. I then had to find someone who would take a chance on me by being my licensure supervisor even though I was 15 years past graduation. I contacted one of my former instructors who has a therapy practice in town, and she was willing to give me a shot!! Then, I spent the next 3 months studying for the National Counseling Exam, which is required to get a provisional license. In August, I passed on the first try, despite the guy sitting next to me that was driving me crazy by coughing and hacking the whole time (who, come to find out, had Covid, and was kind enough to share!). With the exam (and Covid) behind me, I just needed to jump through the hoops of submitting my paperwork and fees to get my provisional license. My provisional license came in October, and then I was on my way!

From October, 2024 to May, 2025 the therapy practice referred as many clients as possible to me to establish my client base. The tough part about being provisionally licensed is that there are very limited insurance companies that allow billing. This means that I have mostly been referred clients who are willing to private pay. By February, I was starting to fill up my evening hours with clients while spending my days doing my full-time job. I was consistently working 12-14 hours a day between both jobs. At the end of May, I hit a breaking point where I realized that I was struggling to do both jobs well. We crunched some household finance numbers, I talked with my supervisor (who is one of my dearest friends—and not just due to workplace trauma bonding!), and I put in my resignation.

So, here’s to a new chapter! I’m finally what I want to be when I grow up—3 months before I turn 50! It is scary. It is rewarding. It is stretching me in ways I haven’t been stretched before (I’m looking at you, insurance billing!!). It is a much slower pace, which is taking some getting used to.  I’m excited for my caseload to grow so I’m working full-time again. In the meantime, I’m trying to soak up learning opportunities and trying not to stress about not having a predictable salary. All in all, life is good.

Thanks for reading! 😊 EW

Beginning Again–I’m Back!

It is a new day. There is a new blog design. Old posts have been reposted and I’m charging ahead. One of the hard things about blogging without being particularly tech savvy, is that when things on the website break, it is a huge process to fix them. I had some sort of virus/security breach on my website in the fall of 2022—Google saw it as a threat and stopped showing it. Chats and emails ensued with my domain host trying to figure out what to do and how to do it with my very limited knowledge. Then, I got intensely frustrated with my lack of understanding and busy with other things, so it ultimately fell by the wayside. I started trying to figure it out again in May, 2024, which ultimately resulted in the reboot the site got today.

Time has passed. More lessons have been learned. I’m excited to jump back in with the mental health, faith, leadership, memories, and general life writing that I had come to enjoy. Onwards and upwards!

Thanks for reading (especially after all this time!) 😊 EW

The Human Side of Leadership

Originally posted 12/16/2020

Today was a tough day. There are parts of being a leader that are hard…and then there are parts of being a leader that are really hard. Today was really hard. Being a leader means making difficult decisions and doing the right thing even when it is hard. It means finding the balance of the job we do, the employees we need to support, the deadlines, the accountability, and the myriad of other things involved in leading. As a leader, being human falls pretty low on the list. It is important to be real, but there is a definite difference between being honest and real and being vulnerable and human. It won’t serve those I lead to see my moments of doubt, uncertainty, sadness, and the other emotional ups and downs of being the person who is supposed to have the answers amid uncertainty. Those I lead need to be encourage, empowered, and reminded that things will be ok—because in the long run, that is true. Things will be ok. We need to keep on keeping on and remember that nearly everything is fixable. My doubt won’t be encouraging to those who are looking to me for support. So, my humanness as a leader is reserved for you, my dear readers.

Anytime I am faced with someone under my leadership umbrella who is not open to being led, I doubt my abilities as a leader. As those folks struggle to be successful (or flat out fail to accomplish the job set before them), it is often said that I was too much or not enough. I was too demanding, expected too much, too particular, too intense or I didn’t teach enough, support enough, provide enough resources, cut them enough slack…the list goes on. As much as I know my qualities as a leader are strongest around clear communication of expectations, teaching and support—I am also human. Sometimes I don’t get it right. Did I do enough? Did I miss something? Could I have done more? Should I have done more? Would anything I could have done or not done changed the outcome to something more positive? Those questions all go through my head as I review the situation. It is easy to feel like I am not enough. If the common thread in those who aren’t successful under my leadership is me, then am I not the right fit?

Sometimes being a leader brings sadness. When I see someone who I believe in not reaching the potential I see in them, it makes me sad. I want to see and believe the best in people—and no amount of leadership boundaries will keep that from being a part of who I am. I don’t want to be cynical and skeptical of people. I truly believe that the greatest gift you can give someone you lead is honest feedback and constructive correction when needed. I don’t want to change that, even though I struggle when it doesn’t go how I want it to.

Those are hard days. But, tomorrow is a new day. The hard things don’t change the fact that there is still a job to do, deadlines to meet and people to support. Sad tonight and then back at it tomorrow…

Thanks for reading. 😊 EW

Integrity and Responsibility

Originally posted 11/14/2020

I have always told my kids that integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is looking. Dictionary.com defines integrity as “adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.” The definitions are pretty much the same. The issue isn’t in defining integrity, it’s in living it out in our day to day life—both personally and professionally. All of us have thoughts, decisions, or moments that we aren’t fully proud of. That is part of being human. Our natural inclination as human beings is to be self-focused, self-preserving, and self-righteous. That doesn’t lead as readily to sound moral character as we might hope. Integrity takes work. It takes being intentional, making hard decisions, and being courageous. That is hard, and we don’t always like hard.

Sound moral character must include honesty. Being honest is great when it comes to positive things. We like to talk honestly about our accomplishments or the good things happening in our lives. It is much harder to be honest about our mistakes. Taking responsibility for mistakes is difficult, especially when those mistakes have hurt others. It is sad how infrequently people truly and fully take responsibility for missteps—too often self-preservation kicks in in combination with self-righteousness to help us to find an outside circumstance or another person to view as responsible—or at a minimum more responsible than we are.

I strive to live a life of integrity. I want to be transparent, open, vulnerable, and real. I fall short. Daily. The hope of honesty, sound moral character, and doing what is right is to do better as you know better, to learn from mistakes and moments of struggle. Integrity is more than seeing and admitting mistakes, it is also about having the courage to learn from those mistakes and change going forward.

Integrity is also about speaking with honor and dignity about others—being honest when we speak of others. We must remember that we can lift others up and support their growth and success without diminishing our potential for success. We don’t have to tear others down or see competition in others in order to grow and progress ourselves. As much as I cringe a little bit when I hear some of the cliché comments on teamwork, it is so true that when we surround ourselves with people we can grow and develop with, we all benefit. We are more than the sum of our parts, which is how we were designed to be.

I hope you will think about the role that integrity has in your personal and professional life. Where can you be more honest, take more responsibility, lean into to help yourself and others grow stronger? How can your honesty, integrity, and positive sense of responsibly build up those around you? If we could all focus on learning from our mistakes rather than trying to deny them, cover them, or make them someone else’s responsibility, the better we will all be.

Thanks for reading! 😊 EW

Transform

Originally written 1/1/2022

My word of the year for 2021 was Transform. As usual, I had no idea where that would take me, and as usual I couldn’t have predicted even a little bit of it. The word transform found in Romans 12:2, which was my verse for the year:

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

At the start of 2021, I was weary of the political and social climate, the pandemic, and all things us versus them. My soul was crying out for renewal. I dove into Romans 12, which is so rich and full of practical lessons—those that are easy to read but hard to implement. Transformation is not fast—mentally, physically, or spiritually.

As we continued through 2021, I learned that my job role was going to change due to an acquisition—more ways to transform! I wanted my team to be well prepared for new leadership, policies, and practices while still maintaining the standards that we should. I met with my direct reports to study leadership by going through Adored: Be the Leader Your Team Needs You to Be by Dan Owolabi. I wanted to see their leadership transformed so their teams would thrive. I soon learned that my journey for transformation wasn’t as contagious as I would have hoped. However, my team read through the book, answered my questions, and dutifully met every other Tuesday.

Then, came the literal renewing of my mind through my stroke. I knew that words were important to me—they were the currency by which performed nearly all of my job roles: teaching, problem solving, and behavior support to name a few. However, I couldn’t fathom the frustration of learning how to form words, make sense of sentences and paragraphs, and simply conveying my basic wants and needs. It was a transformation that I couldn’t have foreseen and that still feels surreal at times. Thankfully, my language came back quickly with therapy (though my spelling is still horrible–thank goodness for spell check!!), but the shift in focus caused by my stroke will carry on.

I am so thankful to be transformed mentally, emotionally and spiritually through 2021. I am happy to ring in 2022 but grateful for the lessons of 2021.

Thanks for reading 😊 EW

Let’s Be Real

Originally posted 12/14/2020

Time for another Mental Health Monday. It has been a couple of weeks since I have last written. I have been working on a few things, but nothing is ready to post. I haven’t been writing like I was when I started. Work stress, life stress, and the stress that is 2020 has been getting to me over the last few weeks. I’ve been working long hours, not sleeping enough, exercising—but not as regularly as I would like, and just generally been stressed. I has been an ugly combination, really, especially in a time and place when I have to keep on keeping on. It is tough to be motivated to write about mental health, when my own is struggling—or maybe that is the perfect time. It is real. Things are getting to me. I didn’t start this blog because I have answers. I started it to be honest and real about what is going through my head. Whether that is memories of my grandmother—especially now that the memories are what I have of her in my life, spiritual discipline/faith questions, leadership lessons I am learning, or mental health questions, my motivation in writing was to be real. To write about myself—my thoughts, my studies, my experiences—and to be as honest and transparent about things as possible.

I feel guilty at times when I struggle. Though I think we can all agree that 2020 has been quite a dumpster fire and we’re ready to get past all that it has brought, I know that I really don’t have it as badly as many in my world. I have a full-time job that pays my bills—as an essential worker, I certainly haven’t lost hours, pay or job security in this crazy time. I have experienced loss, but my immediate family remains healthy and well. My kids are staying healthy and are able to continue college and employment. It might look different than any of us might want, but it is there. I have resources that I can share with others. I am immensely grateful for what I have, and I am very aware that things could be much worse. The perspective doesn’t make my struggles any less real or valid, but it definitely causes me to feel guilty at times.

If I were talking with anyone else, I would remind them to be patient with themselves, to allow for grace, and to utilize coping skills. I’m much better at seeing that for other people than I am for myself. I know that I need to give myself some grace and to remind myself that it is ok to struggle. Powering through it isn’t always the answer, though it often feels as though it is. I am actively trying to remind myself to extend the same grace to myself that I do to others. We’ll see how that goes.

If you or someone you know is struggling in this season—whether it is the holidays, Covid, 2020 as a whole, or some other life event, stress or emotion, feel free to contact me. Email, Facebook messenger, or a socially distant cup of coffee are all great ways to seek support and be real when real matters most. No one needs to struggle alone.

Thanks for reading! 😊 EW 

Firsts

Originally posted 11/25/2020

Thanksgiving marks the first holiday without my sweet grandmother. I’m so thankful for all of the pictures I have taken and posted over the past several years, though they are bittersweet as they come across my social media feed—especially this week. So many holiday memories are flooding through my mind. Grandmom was my last living grandparent. This first holiday without her reminds me of other first holidays without my other family members—grandparents, my great aunt who visited several times a year and helped teach me to cook, and my great grandparents who I was blessed to have time with into young adulthood. My great grandfather even got to meet my son before he passed. I’m thankful to have those memories, even though they are difficult at times. Losing Grandmom has been tough—I was closer to her than my other grandparents, and I had the most time with her at a time when I had enough wisdom and maturity to see the value in that time.

As a child, I struggled to value family gatherings. When we gathered with one side of the family, the gatherings were big, loud, and hot—and often filled with “oh how you’ve grown” from people I barely knew. I had some cousins who were fun—but I was the kid in the middle with several older and several younger. I loved caroling, family prayers at the big dinners, and giggling over my grandmother trying to force us to eat pimento cheese sandwiches (which I always thought were super gross!). However, I was too young to have a true sense of how precious those memories were. I treasure them now, though I haven’t seen those relatives in 20 years or more. The other side of the family is much smaller—and significantly quieter!! Holidays there were slow and easy—and not super exciting to a small child. I enjoyed the Charlie Brown specials, watching the parades on TV, and the great meals—but “visiting” isn’t easy for a child—or at least it wasn’t for me. As I got older, the highlight was finding ways to sneak Grandpop some chocolate when Grandmom wasn’t looking, since she didn’t want him to have it after he had a heart attack. I think it takes age and maturity to recognize the importance of those times—both the silly memories and the gift of family time.

As I’m looking toward this first holiday without Grandmom, I’m thinking about the last few family dinners at her assisted living/skilled nursing facility. She was so proud to introduce us and show us off to her friends—telling anyone who would listen that I am her granddaughter, and my kids are her great grandchildren. Last year was a bit tough as her decline was more pronounced after a difficult month leading up to the celebration, but it was still such a sweet memory. The Thanksgiving celebration where she lived was always the Sunday before Thanksgiving. I always made sure that we could be there because I knew that she was so happy to see us. I was sad that I didn’t need to plan for it this year.

As I prepare for Thanksgiving this year, in a strange way, the current pandemic is a blessing. I am going to miss Thanksgiving with my extended family, but I don’t have to sit with one less seat at the typical dinner table. Our virtual celebrations with family don’t change the reality—but I don’t have to face the empty chair.

There will be many other firsts to come with other holidays, her birthday, and eventually the anniversary of her passing. Each first will be tough, but the precious memories I have will always make my heart full and bring a smile to my face.

Thanks for reading! 😊 EW

How’s your Village?

Originally posted 10/26/2020

Welcome to another Mental Health Monday. This week my thoughts are on the supporters who help us when things are tough and celebrate with us when things are great. These are the folks we turn to when we need encouragement, motivation, and sometimes a brutally honest kick in the pants. Sometimes they are family, and sometimes they are friends who are as close as (or closer than) family. They are the ones we will call in the middle of the night—whether it’s to celebrate, cry, or ask for bail money 😊 They are our village—the community who helps us raise kids, encourages us to be healthy, and gets mad right along with us when we need a good vent session.

In our age of social media, it has often been said that we have access to more people, more relationships, more “supports” than we have ever had, and yet we are lonelier and more isolated than ever. We have so many conversations in 160 characters or less; social sound bites and cliché phrases rather than true support. We long for depth, mentorship, and belonging; but how do we get there? It is particularly difficult in our current climate of social distancing. Get togethers take even more intentionality than they did a few months ago—and, let’s be honest, we need them more now than ever!

So, who is in your village? Is it family, friends, neighbors, co-workers? Does it change over time or has it been the same people for as long as you can remember? Did they become a part of the village through genetics, common experiences, geography? What stories do you have to tell of what drew you together?

Over the past few weeks this has hit home even more to me as I have been walking through the loss of my sweet grandmother. I have had so much support from my dear friends, through cards, social media posts, gifts, and socially distant time around the fire pit. That support has given me the ability to be a support to my mom. Though the pandemic kept my mom and me apart for longer than we would have preferred (both before and after my grandmother’s passing), and my time with her last week looked different than it typically would—I cherish the time we had to share stories and process the emotions when we were able to spend time together in person. We had talked on the phone, shared countless texts, and even chatted some on social media—but nothing came close to the time we had in the same room. We needed it.

Whether it is with friends or family, connection to the ones who are dear to me feels more urgent. We need people. We need those we can trust to vent to, cry with, cheer with, and love on in all circumstances and seasons of our lives—folks we can just do life with. Those relationships are worth the time, energy and effort they take to build and maintain for the benefit of support, memories, and common ground we can share.

I challenge you this week to take some time and reach out to those in your village. You’ll be glad you did!

Thanks for reading! 😊 EW

Sewing, Quilting, & Needlepoint

Originally posted 10/17/2020

As I’m thinking about my grandmother today, I’m thinking of the skills she taught me as I was growing up. She taught me to sew—by hand, on an electric machine, and on her treadle machine. I spent many days sitting on the floor of her sewing room and listening to her stories as she taught me to sew buttonholes (always by hand—she never trusted the buttonhole attachment on her machine), needlepoint on pillowcases, aprons & tablecloths, and watching her hand sew her latest quilt. She made a leaf quilt, making patterns for the leaves using leaves from the trees on their property and matching fabric colors to the colors of the leaves in the fall. I loved watching her work on it. It was a beautiful quilt, and she was so proud of the work she put into it. We made dolls and doll clothes, teddy bears, and clothes both for me and for the young children who lived on their gravel road. As I got older, I helped with the steps more and more, learning to measure, pin & cut patterns, along with becoming more skilled on the machine.

The treadle machine was in the kitchen/dining room of their house during the summer that she taught me to join my sewing skills with some family history. The machine had been at her family’s farm when she was growing up and she had gotten it to keep it in the family as an adult. She told me stories of making clothes for herself and her siblings using that machine as she was teaching me how to use the treadle to keep an even pace. The treadle required more coordination than I had for most things—it proved a huge labor of love and patience on her part to work with me until I got it right. While we continued to do most of our projects on the electric machine, I practiced on the treadle every time I visited. I loved sharing that time and that part of our family history with her.

Grandmom’s favorite phrase as I was learning to sew, which she repeated often was “whatsoever a girl seweth, that she will also rip.” It was her spin on combining Scripture with sewing humor. It made me roll my eyes back then, but I smile as I cherish the memory now. She was so patient with me as she taught me that mistakes could be fixed and that it was important to take the time to do it well.

One of Grandmom’s biggest frustrations with aging was that arthritis slowly took away her ability to quilt, sew, needlepoint, knit & crochet. I regret not taking the time to let her teach me to knit and not giving enough time to truly learn when she was teaching me to crochet. There were always other things to do, and then she wasn’t able to teach anymore. Even though my thoughts of her are bittersweet, I am so thankful for the things she taught me and the memories of the time we spent together.

Thanks for reading! 😊 EW

Dog Paws and Mental Health

Originally posted 9/28/2020

Welcome back to Mental Health Monday. Today’s blog is a little bit different. It is inspired by my most recent rescue dog, Trebuchet (Tre for short) Just for a little background, I live in a very animal loving and very weird household (said with love to all who inhabit it 😊 ) We currently have 3 dogs—Beau, Eros & Trebuchet and 2 cats—Katana and Claymore. Yep, that’s how we roll. All of our animals are rescues, and all of them have their own special traits as a result. We lovingly refer to them as our Island of Misfit Pets.

Today’s mental health thoughts come from my morning with Tre. Tre was rescued when he was just under a year old (the vet estimated 10-12 months). We believe that he had been a stray on the streets up until that time. Given his time on his own, he has high survival instincts and low trust. His social development is delayed, and he has very high attention needs. He has adapted pretty well to our crazy home, but there are still moments where it is very clear that he is skeptical of human interaction. The most obvious is when he is hurting in some way.

A few days ago, Tre started paying a lot of attention to one of his paws. I checked it out and saw that he had a small sore. It has continued to grow and develop into something that looked pretty rough this morning, so it was time for a call to the vet. Thanks to the pandemic, the vet only operates by curbside appointment or drop off. A previous injury and attempted nail trim taught us that drop off would be bad—they often result in undue trauma to him and to anyone who attempts to touch him when “his people” are not around. So, curbside it was. Lots of waiting in the car for a few minutes with a vet who advised Epsom salt soaks and a cone. Soaking a dog paw in warm Epsom salt water is a thrilling tale for another time—and he has already managed to Houdini his way out of the cone.

All of this to say, pets have an amazing way of changing our perspective. I woke up this morning semi-grumpy with allergy issues and a sore back from household projects and cleaning that have been done this week. I was planning on the day being one of pajamas, coffee, and doing as little as possible. Then along came Tre, who needed me to be a dog mom when he was hurting. My sore back no longer mattered. I was no longer grumpy. I was outside myself and thinking about his needs rather than my feelings in the moment. It wasn’t that my feelings weren’t valid and important—his needs were just more important. They got me out of my own way.

Sometimes we need to get out of our own way and see things outside ourselves. This doesn’t minimize our feelings; it just gives them a different perspective. The body of research on the positive impact on pets and mental health is significant. I hope to write more about this in future posts. Companionship, acceptance, belonging, and purpose can all come from having pets. Pets are also a fantastic sounding board—they love to listen and won’t give you unsolicited advice! There has been a significant increase in pet adoption during the pandemic. I hope that all the new pet parents will continue to provide good homes as life returns closer to normal. They need us—and we need them too.

Thanks for reading! 😊 EW