Tag: anxiety

Let’s Be Real

Originally posted 12/14/2020

Time for another Mental Health Monday. It has been a couple of weeks since I have last written. I have been working on a few things, but nothing is ready to post. I haven’t been writing like I was when I started. Work stress, life stress, and the stress that is 2020 has been getting to me over the last few weeks. I’ve been working long hours, not sleeping enough, exercising—but not as regularly as I would like, and just generally been stressed. I has been an ugly combination, really, especially in a time and place when I have to keep on keeping on. It is tough to be motivated to write about mental health, when my own is struggling—or maybe that is the perfect time. It is real. Things are getting to me. I didn’t start this blog because I have answers. I started it to be honest and real about what is going through my head. Whether that is memories of my grandmother—especially now that the memories are what I have of her in my life, spiritual discipline/faith questions, leadership lessons I am learning, or mental health questions, my motivation in writing was to be real. To write about myself—my thoughts, my studies, my experiences—and to be as honest and transparent about things as possible.

I feel guilty at times when I struggle. Though I think we can all agree that 2020 has been quite a dumpster fire and we’re ready to get past all that it has brought, I know that I really don’t have it as badly as many in my world. I have a full-time job that pays my bills—as an essential worker, I certainly haven’t lost hours, pay or job security in this crazy time. I have experienced loss, but my immediate family remains healthy and well. My kids are staying healthy and are able to continue college and employment. It might look different than any of us might want, but it is there. I have resources that I can share with others. I am immensely grateful for what I have, and I am very aware that things could be much worse. The perspective doesn’t make my struggles any less real or valid, but it definitely causes me to feel guilty at times.

If I were talking with anyone else, I would remind them to be patient with themselves, to allow for grace, and to utilize coping skills. I’m much better at seeing that for other people than I am for myself. I know that I need to give myself some grace and to remind myself that it is ok to struggle. Powering through it isn’t always the answer, though it often feels as though it is. I am actively trying to remind myself to extend the same grace to myself that I do to others. We’ll see how that goes.

If you or someone you know is struggling in this season—whether it is the holidays, Covid, 2020 as a whole, or some other life event, stress or emotion, feel free to contact me. Email, Facebook messenger, or a socially distant cup of coffee are all great ways to seek support and be real when real matters most. No one needs to struggle alone.

Thanks for reading! 😊 EW 

Sleep—not enough, too much, tossing, turning…oh my!

Originally posted 12/1/2020

Welcome back to another mental health Monday (posting on Tuesday—sorry for the delay!). Today’s topic is sleep. Sleep and mental health go hand in hand. When our mental state struggles, our sleep patterns also struggle. Sometimes that means not getting enough sleep, and sometimes it means sleeping too much. I have most certainly seen both sides of the coin on sleep. I struggle to go to sleep, stay asleep and sleep restfully when I have a lot of stress at work, concerns with my kids/household/ finances, or am processing through a tough decision. This is very different than the nights that I way up with someone on my mind to take time to pray for—that happens in my world as well, but it is a much more peaceful time of awake than the stewing and stressing I do when I’m anxious about something and struggling to put it away for the night. Those nights are tough. Any sleep I do get feels like a hard-fought battle that leaves me even more tired than when I went to bed.

The flip side to that is the times when sleeping is the only thing I am motivated to do. As I have gone through times of depression in my past, I have learned that the greatest gift I can give myself is to get up and get dressed. In a year of working from home more than ever before, that might mean going from my night pajamas to my day pajamas, but changing clothes is important to my frame of mind. I have learned that staying in bed brings more staying in bed, which very quickly becomes tough for me to motivate myself out of. And, if I am honest, the sleep I get when I enter those times isn’t any better than the sleep when I’m stressed. It is just a lot more lying in bed.

Healthy sleep patterns and sleep routines are crucial to our overall wellbeing, both mentally and physically. Sleep rests our body and mind, rejuvenates our organs and muscles, and gives our multiple, complex systems a chance to grow and strengthen. It is a time when we are out of our own way so our body can do what it needs to do. Our coping skills, immune system, and overall sense of self all benefit from appropriate sleep. Though anyone who knows me well has heard me say that I will sleep when I’m dead because there aren’t enough hours in the day, this couldn’t be further from the truth for my physical and mental health.

In a world of constant input, it is often hard to wind down and get to bed with enough time to get the appropriate amount of sleep. As with other habits, it takes having a plan and being intentional about sticking with it. What that looks like is different for each person. I like to take time to read before I go to bed, sometimes sipping on a cup of tea, sometimes journaling a little bit. Having a time of quiet helps me to fall asleep faster once I am in bed. Experts say that rigorous exercise isn’t a great idea right before bed, but the slow stretching and intentional breathing of an evening yoga routine can be a great way to end the day. Some people enjoy relaxing in a bath to wind down. There are so many options—and different days can end different ways. As long as the activity is calming and doesn’t add stress, it can be a part of the winding down routine. What is important is building the habit to build toward great sleep.

Thanks for reading! 😊 EW

Mindfulness

Originally posted 10/19/2020

Welcome to another Mental Health Monday! In the midst of all
the chaos of our world right now, I wanted to give some time to one of my
favorite coping skills—mindfulness. We all have moments of mindfulness in our lives, sometimes when we don’t realize that is what we are doing. There are so many elements that can make up a practice of mindfulness, but it can also be very simple. Please understand that the purpose of mindfulness is not to be overly self-focused or self-absorbed; it is about taking a few moments to calm the chaos and focus in the moment. This helps lead to greater focus on the tasks at hand and the others around us. We need to remember that we can’t pour from an empty cup when we are trying to be who the others in our lives need us to be.A few simple mindfulness exercises that I use in my own life are mindful breathing, progressive relaxation, and five senses focus. There are several ways to go about each one, but here is an easy example of each:


Mindful breathing: Sit in a comfortable and neutral
position (some people do this lying down—if I attempt that, I will generally
fall asleep! 😊 ) Close your eyes. Take in a deep breath, filling your lungs and feeling the space created in your abdomen. If I am really struggling to focus, I will count as I inhale. This helps me to focus on my breath rather than anything else around me. Once you have fulling inhaled, pause for a second, feeling the space and fullness of your breath. Then, slowly breathe out, trying to take approximately the same amount of time breathing out
as you did breathing in. Taking even 6-8 breaths this way can help to refocus on the present and calm the chaos.


Progressive relaxation: Again, sit in a comfortable
and neutral position (I’m a little better at doing this one lying down, but
sometimes there is still a little napping!) Beginning with your toes, briefly
tense and scrunch them and then intentionally relax them. Pause to give attention just to your toes and what it takes to relax them. Next, move on to your whole foot—briefly tense and then intentionally relax, noting what it takes to relax your foot. Proceed like this up your legs (calf, knee, thigh), your backside, lower abdomen, middle abdomen, shoulders, upper arm, lower arm, wrist, hand, fingers, neck, jaw, cheeks, eyes and forehead. With intentional focus given to each part of the body in progression, the depth of relaxation will be greater. You can also start with the forehead and proceed downward. However, I find that I hold more tension in my upper body, so I choose to focus above my shoulders last. This is another practice that can be done in just a couple of focused minutes but can really decrease situational stress.


Five senses focus:  Another exercise that can be done anywhere
and in just a few minutes. Wherever you are and whatever you are currently
doing, take a moment to check in with your senses.


·        What do you see around you? We often look but don’t really see. Taking time to look at the details of your surroundings helps to focus you in the present moment.


·  What do you hear? There are so many sounds around us all the time that we think we are blocking out. However, sometimes our brains are working in the background to process them, increasing our tension without us recognizing why. Taking time to acknowledge those sounds for a moment lets your brain process and then (hopefully) move on from them.


·        What do you smell? Strong smells, both good and bad, rarely escape our notice. However, there are usually several smells happening all at once. We just process the strongest. Take a moment to process all that you can smell where you are at that moment.


·       What are you touching? Not just the things you are actively touching, but what about passive touch? Your clothes, where you are sitting, the floor, the air around you—all of those things are touching you and giving sensory input to your brain. Focus on each for a moment and let it process.


·     What do you taste? This is one of my favorites! In addition to just loving to eat, taking the time meals are eaten at work or while I’m in the middle of things. Nutrition experts have said for years that this is not the best way to eat—it often leads to overeating because we aren’t thinking about what we are doing. The practice of slowing down to eat mindfully allows us to truly experience what we are eating and helps us to be aware of when it stops tasting as good—an early signal that we are starting to get full. I once led a skills group where we ended each of our sessions with mindfully eating a piece of candy. The candy of choice was chocolate (there are just so many good things about it!!), but we also tried butterscotch, cinnamon (not a favorite for mindful eating!), caramels, and fruit flavored candy. It was fun to take that moment to fully experience each candy for all it could be.


As you look for ways to take small moments to rest and refresh in times of stress, hopefully these few exercises will come to mind, helping you focus on the moment and regroup to keep moving forward.


Thanks for reading! 😊
EW



Vigilance Fatigue

Originally posted 10/12/2020

Welcome back to Mental Health Monday. I am tired. 2020 has been more than anyone could ever have imagined on every possible level. Health and safety concerns are a daily topic of discussion, politics are divisive, those who I love and respect on all sides of every issue are speaking and behaving in ways that seem out of character. I know I am not alone in this. As a society, a culture, a world—we are all exhausted. Our endurance has been tested time and again, and many of us have had our fill of trials that some call character building. We are working hard to be vigilant as citizens, and vigilance has made us tired. We are out of adrenaline for it.

The adrenaline-based fight or flight response is supposed to be a short-term response to intense situational stress—not a long-term state of being. We can’t exist indefinitely in a survival state without running out of energy. Many of us who were trying new recipes, picking up new hobbies, and going deep with cleaning and organizing early in the year have run out of steam. It feels like thousands of meals have been cooked, new hobbies are difficult to focus on, and any remaining closets can stay cluttered—the motivation is gone.

Many people are getting from day to day by the sheer routine of it. Routine can be a normalizer in the midst of chaos. However, our routines look different. Work-life balance has taken on different meaning as many are trying to work, parent, teach, and maintain their homes at the same time and from the same space. There is no separation. As a working parent with children who have moved away from home during this time, my work-life balance is more distant. I support my adult children via text and video chat, providing the best reassurance I can from a distance. We are a family who thrives on hugs, and that is not an option when we need it most. The huggers of the world struggle in this time of social distancing. Air hugs and elbow bumps are not the same, especially with those we love who are not a part of our household. My son is in Chicago—a town that requires a 14-day quarantine for anyone coming from our home state. My mom, who is grieving the loss of her mom, is in the higher risk category. I have too much exposure through my job for it to be safe to possibly pass germs to her—and cases continue to rise where she is.

How do we combat this time in our lives? There is no easy answer. I am so thankful for technology that allows calling, texting, and video chats during our time of distance. It is not exactly what we want, but it is a step in the right direction. I can see my kids’ faces and know that they are there and are hanging in there. I see my dear friends in my driveway, enjoying a drink around the fire pit and some much-needed conversation. I try to be patient with myself and with others, understanding that there will be ups and downs in emotions, productivity, and focus. I do my best to take the opportunity to speak life into others, ensuring that they are seen and heard in the midst of the distance. There is comfort in knowing that the feelings that we are having are normal, and even expected at this time.

We might be done with the chaos of 2020, but it is not done with us. With patience and grace, we will make it through—and we will have stories to tell and lessons learned, whether we want them or not!

Thanks for reading! 😊 EW

Stress, Worry & Anxiety

Originally posted 9/21/2020

Welcome back to Mental Health Monday! Today’s topic is worry and anxiety. Public health, personal/family health, finances, job security, relationships, injustice, discrimination, politics, and so many other hot topics are at the forefront of an unprecedented time in history. Each of these things individually would be stressful, but added together, they can be overwhelming. These are uncertain times, and with uncertainty come worry and anxiety.

Anxiety can look very different depending on the person and the situation. When I am teaching staff at work about how to recognize and de-escalate crisis in its earliest stages, I tell them to look for any change in behavior in the person with whom they are working. The same is true when looking at anxiety in oneself or in someone we are close to. Anxiety can be subtle, especially as it is first building. We might be struggling to focus—or hyper focused on one thought or idea. We might notice muscle tension or headaches or even an eye twitch. Stress and anxiety can mess with sleep patterns, eating patterns, interactions with others, and our interactions with ourselves.

How do we deal with uncertainty in our world? How do we walk through our day to day life without continuous stress and worry or feeling like we are trudging through deep snow or walking on sand (but not in a fun, beachy way 😉) ? As I have dealt with anxiety in my life, I have recognized a few things that can help:

Be patient

When I am finding that the stress of my life is impacting my day to day life, I first remind myself to be patient. Stress is real. Worry is valid. Anxiety is an acceptable response to stressful circumstances. Owning those feelings and thoughts as real can help me process through them in an intentional way. Taking the time needed to process what is causing the stress and whether or not the circumstances are things I can change or control is important. For those things I can change, I look at what is needed for change to occur. For those things that I can’t, I look at what I can do to handle things productively in the midst of my current circumstances.

Evaluate routine

During times of stress and anxiety, I find myself looking more closely at my routines. Have I gotten out of my typical routine and into “survival mode” to address my stressful circumstances? Sometimes the survival mindset causes more anxiety than it helps. Routine helps me to be intentional and grounded in my day to day world—ensuring that I am acknowledging and relying on the familiar at times when things are uncertain. When I am able to rely on my routine rather than simply surviving my day, I am better able to separate the stressful circumstances in my life from my life as a whole. I can remind myself that circumstances do not have to define who I am—a period of time is not the whole picture of life.

Find fun

Stress can be overwhelming and exhausting. Anxiety can bring frustration and negativity. Sometimes I just have to find some fun. As I am patient with myself and my emotions, I need to remember to look for things that make me laugh, help me feel refreshed, and get me out of my own head. Reading fun fiction, listening to music, watching movies, riding my bike, taking walks, and spending time with friends all help to get me outside myself and give perspective to my stressful circumstance being only a part of my reality. As cliché as it is—sometimes laughter is the best medicine.

Seek help

While it is important to recognize that all periods of stress and anxiety do not have to be a diagnosed “disorder,” it is equally important to recognize when we need additional help. We are complex beings and our feelings and emotions are complex. They occur on a spectrum, sometimes ebbing on their own and at other times needing more help to subside. I am so thankful that progress has been made in the stigma of mental health assistance, but I recognize that there is still a long way to go. Seeking counseling is not a weakness—and often it is more beneficial that expected. Medication can also be a positive step at times, even just in the short term or during a particularly difficult or stressful circumstance. While the prescription bottle comes with a label, it does not put a label on you.

If you or someone you know is experiencing anxiety to the point that it is having a negative impact on day to day life, do not be afraid to seek assistance. Talk to a doctor, a counselor, a mentor—someone you trust to provide guidance during this time. No one needs to struggle alone.

Thanks for reading! 😊 EW