Author: admin

Stress, Worry & Anxiety

Originally posted 9/21/2020

Welcome back to Mental Health Monday! Today’s topic is worry and anxiety. Public health, personal/family health, finances, job security, relationships, injustice, discrimination, politics, and so many other hot topics are at the forefront of an unprecedented time in history. Each of these things individually would be stressful, but added together, they can be overwhelming. These are uncertain times, and with uncertainty come worry and anxiety.

Anxiety can look very different depending on the person and the situation. When I am teaching staff at work about how to recognize and de-escalate crisis in its earliest stages, I tell them to look for any change in behavior in the person with whom they are working. The same is true when looking at anxiety in oneself or in someone we are close to. Anxiety can be subtle, especially as it is first building. We might be struggling to focus—or hyper focused on one thought or idea. We might notice muscle tension or headaches or even an eye twitch. Stress and anxiety can mess with sleep patterns, eating patterns, interactions with others, and our interactions with ourselves.

How do we deal with uncertainty in our world? How do we walk through our day to day life without continuous stress and worry or feeling like we are trudging through deep snow or walking on sand (but not in a fun, beachy way 😉) ? As I have dealt with anxiety in my life, I have recognized a few things that can help:

Be patient

When I am finding that the stress of my life is impacting my day to day life, I first remind myself to be patient. Stress is real. Worry is valid. Anxiety is an acceptable response to stressful circumstances. Owning those feelings and thoughts as real can help me process through them in an intentional way. Taking the time needed to process what is causing the stress and whether or not the circumstances are things I can change or control is important. For those things I can change, I look at what is needed for change to occur. For those things that I can’t, I look at what I can do to handle things productively in the midst of my current circumstances.

Evaluate routine

During times of stress and anxiety, I find myself looking more closely at my routines. Have I gotten out of my typical routine and into “survival mode” to address my stressful circumstances? Sometimes the survival mindset causes more anxiety than it helps. Routine helps me to be intentional and grounded in my day to day world—ensuring that I am acknowledging and relying on the familiar at times when things are uncertain. When I am able to rely on my routine rather than simply surviving my day, I am better able to separate the stressful circumstances in my life from my life as a whole. I can remind myself that circumstances do not have to define who I am—a period of time is not the whole picture of life.

Find fun

Stress can be overwhelming and exhausting. Anxiety can bring frustration and negativity. Sometimes I just have to find some fun. As I am patient with myself and my emotions, I need to remember to look for things that make me laugh, help me feel refreshed, and get me out of my own head. Reading fun fiction, listening to music, watching movies, riding my bike, taking walks, and spending time with friends all help to get me outside myself and give perspective to my stressful circumstance being only a part of my reality. As cliché as it is—sometimes laughter is the best medicine.

Seek help

While it is important to recognize that all periods of stress and anxiety do not have to be a diagnosed “disorder,” it is equally important to recognize when we need additional help. We are complex beings and our feelings and emotions are complex. They occur on a spectrum, sometimes ebbing on their own and at other times needing more help to subside. I am so thankful that progress has been made in the stigma of mental health assistance, but I recognize that there is still a long way to go. Seeking counseling is not a weakness—and often it is more beneficial that expected. Medication can also be a positive step at times, even just in the short term or during a particularly difficult or stressful circumstance. While the prescription bottle comes with a label, it does not put a label on you.

If you or someone you know is experiencing anxiety to the point that it is having a negative impact on day to day life, do not be afraid to seek assistance. Talk to a doctor, a counselor, a mentor—someone you trust to provide guidance during this time. No one needs to struggle alone.

Thanks for reading! 😊 EW

Blackberry Picking Days

Originally posted 9/19/2020

One of my favorite activities when I spent time on my grandparents’ farm was picking blackberries. We would go out early, before the heat of the day. Grandmom always insisted that we wear long sleeves, pants, gloves and hats, which was tough in the middle of the summer but very necessary. For those who don’t know, blackberry bushes have thorns—and they are sharp! Grandpop drove the tractor with a trailer on the back. Grandmom and I would be in the trailer so we could reach the bushes without having to stand in the surrounding brush. Grandpop pulled up as close to the bushes he could get, and we would start picking. As we picked, we sorted them into empty ice cream buckets. There were days that we spent hours picking, finding ripe berries on all the bushes and picking from just after breakfast until lunchtime. The best time to pick was just after rain. The berries were so juicy—and the thorns weren’t quite as sharp. Our gloves, sleeves, and often our boots got stained with blackberry juice as we continued to pick. Grandpop took the same path every time, just to be sure that we were checking each bush thoroughly. Even though we all knew that we had gotten them all and the new ones didn’t ripen overnight, I tried to talk them into going out picking every morning just in case we had missed some.

When we finished picking, we had to soak the berries (I learned that spiders really like hiding in blackberries!), wash them, and then we could finally eat! It was so hard to be patient at first, though the possibility of spiders made it easier to wait. We made cobbler, jelly & danishes; and we packed some of them to freeze for later. My favorite way to eat them was fresh with a bowl of vanilla ice cream. It was the taste of summer. No blackberries I have eaten since those summers have been the same as the ones we picked in the morning and ate after lunch.

Thanks for reading! 😊 EW

Lessons of Faith

Originally posted 9/16/2020

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see” Hebrews 11:1

Faith…such a small and simple word with such an enormous depth of meaning. Based on the definition provided by the apostle Paul in the book of Hebrews, faith seems pretty straightforward. Answer a couple of questions (what do I hope for? What am I certain of?) and bam—there is your faith. In practical application it is a big ask.

What do I hope for?

Again, at first glance, this seems like such a simple question. I hope that my kids will stay healthy. I hope that they will follow God’s path and find peace and contentment where He has called them to go. I hope the Cardinals win the World Series and the Chiefs win the Super Bowl. I always hope to eat more cake. As humans, we are often flippant with the idea of hope, seeing it as a wish list of sorts. True hope is so much more than that. True hope isn’t about wishful thinking. It is about trust and belief and an understanding that there is more to life than present reality and circumstances. Faith means that what you hope for is grounded in more than wishes. It is grounded in the One who provides the certainty. God provides the certainty. Faith is more about trusting His character, His Word, and His ways more than wishing for the end result. When we trust that God is who He says He is and intends for the good of those He created and loves. We might not be sure of the specifics of our hope, but we are sure of the One in whom we hope. Whatever He has for us, wherever our path takes us, He is there, and He is sovereign.

When I hope, I have hope in who God is—that He will never leave me, that there is nowhere I can go that He isn’t with me. With that knowledge, the details are less important. The greatest hope of my faith is that I am always sure of God’s character and how much He loves me.

What am I certain of?

The cliché says that the only certainties are death and taxes. On this earth, that is true. However, both death and taxes can be seen, even if not always understood. Death and taxes have evidence. What about the things we can’t see? How certain can we be of those? Love, emotions, trust, things that can’t be quantified. How can we be certain? Again, my only response is God. I am certain of God. I am certain of who He is, and what He wants for me. He asks that I trust in Him rather than my own understanding (Ps 3:5-6), that I remember that He knit me together (Ps. 139:13), that I rejoice, turn to Him, and give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thes 5:16-18)—things that are not visible without faith in Him. Only by being certain of His character, His word, and His ways can we be certain of all else. All circumstances—good or bad—are steps in our path and part of the journey. God is sovereign and with me on that path, no matter where it takes me.

That is faith. That makes me grateful—He is in control. He sees a bigger picture than I could ever see. He knows how all of the small pieces fit together from my first day to my last, making me thankful that I can rest in Him rather than having to figure it all out myself.

Thanks for reading! 😊 EW

Lessons From Depression Part 2

Originally posted 9/14/2020

Welcome back to Mental Health Monday! Today we’re continuing our discussion from last week focusing on mental health basics and depression.

Many mental health diagnoses occur on a spectrum, which sometimes gets confusing to those who don’t have much experience. All depressed people are not suicidal. All suicidal people are not depressed. All people with anxiety are not introverted. All introverted people do not have anxiety. All people with ADHD do not respond to distractions in the same way. Hopefully you get where I’m going here…individual people are just that—individual. There is no “one size fits all” about any diagnosis. Your experience is yours. Mine is mine. And both are valid and ok.

My experience with depression throughout my adult life has mostly allowed for me to continue to function in my day to day life. It is a struggle at times, and I know when I need to be patient with myself and when I need to kick myself in the butt and keep going. I am fortunate in that. There are times when I feel like calling in sick to work and I absolutely refuse to because I know that it will start me down a path that is less healthy (side note—I do my best to stay home when I am sick with something contagious. I am not promoting that anyone go to work sick!) There are also times when I know that I should be exercising more, eating better, and generally taking better care of my physical health needs (like showering regularly), and I know that I need to be patient and do what I can do. Forcing myself, judging myself, or trying to ignore the feelings I’m having will only make things significantly worse.

Sometimes things outside of my direct control make depression more of a factor in my world. One example is chronic pain. I have degenerative disc disease and spent 4 years with pretty significant back pain before I had surgery. That was a super tough combination with depression. It was hard to keep believing that I would feel better, and extremely humbling to have to rely on other people for assistance with basic tasks. I quickly learned that pain medication (which generally makes me feel pretty sick anyway) was NOT a good mix with my depression. So, Tylenol & Ibuprofen only! Other life events have made depression a bigger consideration for me: divorce (my parents and my own), my kids struggling through various life stages, graduating from college (both times!), job related stress. All of these make a lot of sense as they cause additional emotions in my world which often don’t play well with the other things I feel.

At other times, there has been seemingly no situational cause. Life can be good. Things can be fairly status quo. At those times, I am more directly reminded that mental health diagnoses are often chemical imbalances. Depression is a physiological issue, not just an emotional issue. I don’t always see it coming but, I certainly can’t miss it once it starts to come to the forefront. There doesn’t have to be a triggering event. Sometimes it just is what it is. That is another reason why it is so important to be patient with ourselves at those times.

And now for the discussion topic that we have all been waiting for: depression and the pandemic! There is not a mental health diagnosis that has thrived during the pandemic. There was no training, no warning, and no way for us as human beings to understand what it was going to be like to do through something our generations have never been through before. Isolation is hard. Virtual relationships are hard. Virtual learning is hard. Grocery delivery is hard. Not being able to find toilet paper (even when you don’t really need it but someone says that everyone should stock up??) is hard. Nothing about this time in our history has been easy. We are generally spending WAY more time with our immediate family than any of us are accustomed to and having WAY less routine when we do it. That alone is enough to make anyone struggle. Those with mental health diagnoses, those who live alone, those who don’t have extra resources, have struggled even more. So little of this is anything we can wrap our minds around—especially as we are seeing that it is lasting so much longer than anyone ever imagined. It is hard, and it is ok to say that it is hard.

If you or someone you love has a mental health diagnosis, know that you are seen, you are heard, and there are those who have an understanding for what you go through each day (another side note—I do everything I can to never say “I understand” because so often we don’t truly understand, we just don’t know what else to say) We will get through this by relying on those we love and trust and seeking support and assistance when we need it. No stigma, no judgement, just doing the best we can to make it from day to day.

Thanks for reading! 😊 EW

Memories from growing up—time with Grandmom & Grandpop

Originally posted 9/9/2020



When I was very young, we lived hours away from my
grandparents. They were in New Jersey and we were in Georgia, North Carolina,
Alabama, and then Missouri. They were relatives who visited once or twice a
year—every now and then going to New Jersey but more often they came to visit
us. I heard a lot of old stories of growing up on the farm, the war, Grandpop
working construction and Grandmom working in the local school. Every visit felt
nostalgic, even when I was little. I love the stories, learning about things
that seemed so strange and different (I had pretty much no farm experience—and,
honestly, don’t have much more now than I did then!)



When I was in elementary school, my grandparents retired and
moved to Missouri. They stayed with us for a bit (no idea how long—time had
little meaning at that age!) and then moved to the middle of nowhere—almost
literally. They were halfway between one very small town and another very small
town—but were miles from either one. They were on a dirt road on 100 acres with
woods, a pond, and blackberries. I started going out there during the summer
for a week or two. Though I didn’t always appreciate the quiet life (they had a
party line phone and 2 tv stations!), I learned so much during my times there.
Every evening, I walked to the pond with Grandpop to feed the catfish. We
fished at times, but mostly we fed the fish so they would get big enough to be
good eating. They had a fantastic garden—several kinds of beans, corn,
tomatoes, asparagus, and strawberries. At times they grew more, and at times
they grew less. I learned to drive a riding mower and then a tractor as I got
older. I learned to shoot a bow and a shotgun (can’t say I was great at either
one, but I learned). We played badminton in the evenings, had picnics under the
shade trees, and walked in the woods when the weather was right. There were so
many lessons to be learned about a life that was so different than my day to
day. No matter what we were doing, Grandmom told stories.



As I got older, graduated from high school, and went to
college, I spent a lot less time there. They were getting older and I was
getting busier. I went back to seeing them only a few times a year, usually on
holidays. We would catch up—me talking about my studies and them catching me up
on the garden, the deer, the catfish, and the other country events. I missed my
time with them, but life got in the way.



While I was in college, Grandpop got cancer. His health was
up and down with treatment, but given his age, stage, and type of cancer, we
knew what we were looking toward. I was so thankful that he was able to attend
my wedding, and even more thankful when he was still around to meet his first
great grandchild. Some of my sweetest memories were of him sitting with my
toddler-age son, reading together and telling stories. When I was pregnant with
my second child, he passed away. Death of a loved one is hard—that death coming
during pregnancy I learned was much harder. I made the decision to name my
second child after him if possible (my ultrasounds were never conclusive, so we
weren’t certain whether I was expecting another boy or a girl). When I
delivered a little girl a few months later, she was named after Grandmom in his
honor.



The next spring, I was able to take my kids out to
Grandmom’s house to fish, picnic under the trees, and ride the riding mower
& the tractor. There was no garden that year, but it was still amazing to
share the place of my youth with my preschool son and my baby daughter. I knew
that they wouldn’t get to experience it like I did because they were so young
and Grandmom couldn’t stay out there alone, but they got to see it and have a
small taste of the place I loved. My son caught his first fish in their pond
and took a walk in the woods where I had walked with Grandpop. I wouldn’t trade
those memories for anything.



Enough rambling for now. More favorite memories to share in
future posts.



Thanks for reading! 😊 EW



Lessons from Depression Part 1

Originally posted 9/7/2020

Hey there! It’s Mental Health Monday! Not sure if this will continue as a pattern, but as the first Monday I’m posting, it could be the start of a trend.

My background and training are in counseling. Psychology, human development, sociology, and relationship dynamics have always fascinated me. I have been told time and again that I can “read” people and see beyond the surface when I spend time with someone. It is a passion of mine to understand people. It is easier to be helpful when you understand.

There has always been a stigma surrounding mental health diagnoses, which often prevents people from seeking assistance when they need it. This has always frustrated me. There are so many diagnoses that are not obvious—with both physical health and mental health—it is sad that there is so much judgment associated with things that others can’t see. But, that is a post for another time…

While I have clinical understanding and professional experience with a number of mental health diagnoses, I have personal experience with depression. I was first diagnosed with depression after the birth of my youngest child. While her birth was smooth, the weeks and months that followed were difficult. I thought that I was handling things well, all things considered—everyone cries continuously when they are exhausted from caring for a newborn and a preschooler, right? Maybe, but it never hurts to seek help, either with counseling, medication, or a combination of both. I have done both throughout the course of my adult life.

I adore my counselor. She listens, provides perspective, challenges me to grow, recommends great books, and talks with me about professional growth as well. I can’t imagine not checking in with her like I do. At times, I have seen her weekly, but for the most part, I see her once a month as a time to stop, reflect, and process the stuff of life. Again, I highly recommend finding a fantastic counselor. Even without insurance, there are options for counseling—there are free clinics and those who have their rates on a sliding scale to assist anyone who might struggle to pay. Payment should never be a reason to avoid getting the help that you need!

I am thankful that I found an amazing counselor to work with the first time I was looking for someone to talk to. There are times that a counselor & client don’t mesh—whether it is for personality differences, different values/work view, or different counseling philosophy. And, if we are honest, sometimes it is because the person says things that we don’t want to hear or process in that moment. A savvy counselor will recognize that and adjust their approach, but it is also ok if the person is not the right fit. Try again—and keep trying until you find someone you trust and can truly talk to.

For those who might not be aware, counselors do not prescribe medications. They can recommend that you see someone who can prescribe, but they are there to talk to—not to medicate. Also, you do not have to see a psychiatrist to get a prescription for many mental health medications. If you have a primary care physician, you can speak with them to see if a medication can be recommended & prescribed. Many basic medications for depression and anxiety are prescribed without a psychiatrist.

Another quick note—a mental health diagnosis, counseling, and/or medication do not mean that you are “crazy”! Crazy is not a thing. It is a very overused, under-considered word that places judgment where it doesn’t belong. As I am new here and am attempting to avoid soap boxes, I will stop there—but no, you’re not crazy. I’m not crazy. Your quirky neighbor is not crazy. Crazy is not a thing.

If you or someone you love has a mental health diagnosis, know that you are seen, you are heard, and there are those who have an understanding for what you go through each day (another side note—I do everything I can to never say “I understand” because so often we don’t truly understand, we just don’t know what else to say) We will get through this by relying on those we love and trust and seeking support and assistance when we need it. No stigma, no judgement, just doing the best we can to make it from day to day.

Thanks for reading! 😊 EW

Grandmom Stories Part 1

Originally posted 9/6/2020

My sweet, sassy grandmother is 96. She is a strong and amazing woman who lived through the depression, World War 2, her solider husband’s return from the war, raising children in a small New Jersey town, a retirement move halfway across the country, and her husband taken too soon after a long and arduous battle with colon cancer. She is an opinionated, old school, pragmatic realist of the highest degree. When I was young, she taught me so many life lessons—sewing, gardening, picking blackberries, embroidery, preparing for winter in the best ways, quilting, baking, and cooking. We sat under the trees singing show tunes when it was too hot to work or play, we played badminton, had piano sing alongs, and watched Cardinals games. We chatted with the neighbors, sharing stories, produce, and the stuff of life. I am thankful that my kids have gotten to spend some time with her, though they don’t know the Grandmom that I know.

In recent years, our relationship has changed. After my grandfather died, she opened up more and more about his final years, stories from the past, and our family history. I have treasured our talks and all that I’ve learned from her. She shared her writing with me, and told me that I should use it to write a book—not a book that anyone would read by her estimation, but a book that would be a way to share family stories. As she has continued to age and dementia has begun to take over, her stories have taken on more nostalgia. Less tied to reality and more tied to relationships and emotions, I have gotten to know so much more about the dynamics of that part of my family.

My goal in the past several years has been to visit her once a month—first to provide some respite when she was living with my mother and then to just stay connected because I know that our days together are growing shorter in number. Each time we’re together, I ask her to take a selfie with me. I always have to remind her what a selfie is and sometimes are better than others in getting her to comply. The pictures I take are for me, so I can remember our time together, knowing that she remembers me in such a different way now. I have been honored to sit by her bedside when she has been in the hospital a number of times in the past couple of years, thankful that I can provide comfort when she is confused and scared and not understanding why she is there. I have become the fierce advocate she has always been for me.

I’m looking forward to sharing more stories about her—life lessons and rambling from Grandmom—in the coming days.

Thanks for reading! 😊 EW