mental health Archives - Page 2 of 2 - Life Lessons & Rambling

How’s your Village?

Originally posted 10/26/2020

Welcome to another Mental Health Monday. This week my thoughts are on the supporters who help us when things are tough and celebrate with us when things are great. These are the folks we turn to when we need encouragement, motivation, and sometimes a brutally honest kick in the pants. Sometimes they are family, and sometimes they are friends who are as close as (or closer than) family. They are the ones we will call in the middle of the night—whether it’s to celebrate, cry, or ask for bail money 😊 They are our village—the community who helps us raise kids, encourages us to be healthy, and gets mad right along with us when we need a good vent session.

In our age of social media, it has often been said that we have access to more people, more relationships, more “supports” than we have ever had, and yet we are lonelier and more isolated than ever. We have so many conversations in 160 characters or less; social sound bites and cliché phrases rather than true support. We long for depth, mentorship, and belonging; but how do we get there? It is particularly difficult in our current climate of social distancing. Get togethers take even more intentionality than they did a few months ago—and, let’s be honest, we need them more now than ever!

So, who is in your village? Is it family, friends, neighbors, co-workers? Does it change over time or has it been the same people for as long as you can remember? Did they become a part of the village through genetics, common experiences, geography? What stories do you have to tell of what drew you together?

Over the past few weeks this has hit home even more to me as I have been walking through the loss of my sweet grandmother. I have had so much support from my dear friends, through cards, social media posts, gifts, and socially distant time around the fire pit. That support has given me the ability to be a support to my mom. Though the pandemic kept my mom and me apart for longer than we would have preferred (both before and after my grandmother’s passing), and my time with her last week looked different than it typically would—I cherish the time we had to share stories and process the emotions when we were able to spend time together in person. We had talked on the phone, shared countless texts, and even chatted some on social media—but nothing came close to the time we had in the same room. We needed it.

Whether it is with friends or family, connection to the ones who are dear to me feels more urgent. We need people. We need those we can trust to vent to, cry with, cheer with, and love on in all circumstances and seasons of our lives—folks we can just do life with. Those relationships are worth the time, energy and effort they take to build and maintain for the benefit of support, memories, and common ground we can share.

I challenge you this week to take some time and reach out to those in your village. You’ll be glad you did!

Thanks for reading! 😊 EW

Mindfulness

Originally posted 10/19/2020

Welcome to another Mental Health Monday! In the midst of all
the chaos of our world right now, I wanted to give some time to one of my
favorite coping skills—mindfulness. We all have moments of mindfulness in our lives, sometimes when we don’t realize that is what we are doing. There are so many elements that can make up a practice of mindfulness, but it can also be very simple. Please understand that the purpose of mindfulness is not to be overly self-focused or self-absorbed; it is about taking a few moments to calm the chaos and focus in the moment. This helps lead to greater focus on the tasks at hand and the others around us. We need to remember that we can’t pour from an empty cup when we are trying to be who the others in our lives need us to be.A few simple mindfulness exercises that I use in my own life are mindful breathing, progressive relaxation, and five senses focus. There are several ways to go about each one, but here is an easy example of each:

Mindful breathing: Sit in a comfortable and neutral
position (some people do this lying down—if I attempt that, I will generally
fall asleep! 😊 ) Close your eyes. Take in a deep breath, filling your lungs and feeling the space created in your abdomen. If I am really struggling to focus, I will count as I inhale. This helps me to focus on my breath rather than anything else around me. Once you have fulling inhaled, pause for a second, feeling the space and fullness of your breath. Then, slowly breathe out, trying to take approximately the same amount of time breathing out
as you did breathing in. Taking even 6-8 breaths this way can help to refocus on the present and calm the chaos.

Progressive relaxation: Again, sit in a comfortable
and neutral position (I’m a little better at doing this one lying down, but
sometimes there is still a little napping!) Beginning with your toes, briefly
tense and scrunch them and then intentionally relax them. Pause to give attention just to your toes and what it takes to relax them. Next, move on to your whole foot—briefly tense and then intentionally relax, noting what it takes to relax your foot. Proceed like this up your legs (calf, knee, thigh), your backside, lower abdomen, middle abdomen, shoulders, upper arm, lower arm, wrist, hand, fingers, neck, jaw, cheeks, eyes and forehead. With intentional focus given to each part of the body in progression, the depth of relaxation will be greater. You can also start with the forehead and proceed downward. However, I find that I hold more tension in my upper body, so I choose to focus above my shoulders last. This is another practice that can be done in just a couple of focused minutes but can really decrease situational stress.

Five senses focus: Another exercise that can be done anywhere
and in just a few minutes. Wherever you are and whatever you are currently
doing, take a moment to check in with your senses.

· What do you see around you? We often look but don’t really see. Taking time to look at the details of your surroundings helps to focus you in the present moment.

· What do you hear? There are so many sounds around us all the time that we think we are blocking out. However, sometimes our brains are working in the background to process them, increasing our tension without us recognizing why. Taking time to acknowledge those sounds for a moment lets your brain process and then (hopefully) move on from them.

· What do you smell? Strong smells, both good and bad, rarely escape our notice. However, there are usually several smells happening all at once. We just process the strongest. Take a moment to process all that you can smell where you are at that moment.

· What are you touching? Not just the things you are actively touching, but what about passive touch? Your clothes, where you are sitting, the floor, the air around you—all of those things are touching you and giving sensory input to your brain. Focus on each for a moment and let it process.

· What do you taste? This is one of my favorites! In addition to just loving to eat, taking the time meals are eaten at work or while I’m in the middle of things. Nutrition experts have said for years that this is not the best way to eat—it often leads to overeating because we aren’t thinking about what we are doing. The practice of slowing down to eat mindfully allows us to truly experience what we are eating and helps us to be aware of when it stops tasting as good—an early signal that we are starting to get full. I once led a skills group where we ended each of our sessions with mindfully eating a piece of candy. The candy of choice was chocolate (there are just so many good things about it!!), but we also tried butterscotch, cinnamon (not a favorite for mindful eating!), caramels, and fruit flavored candy. It was fun to take that moment to fully experience each candy for all it could be.

As you look for ways to take small moments to rest and refresh in times of stress, hopefully these few exercises will come to mind, helping you focus on the moment and regroup to keep moving forward.

Thanks for reading! 😊
EW

Vigilance Fatigue

Originally posted 10/12/2020

Welcome back to Mental Health Monday. I am tired. 2020 has been more than anyone could ever have imagined on every possible level. Health and safety concerns are a daily topic of discussion, politics are divisive, those who I love and respect on all sides of every issue are speaking and behaving in ways that seem out of character. I know I am not alone in this. As a society, a culture, a world—we are all exhausted. Our endurance has been tested time and again, and many of us have had our fill of trials that some call character building. We are working hard to be vigilant as citizens, and vigilance has made us tired. We are out of adrenaline for it.

The adrenaline-based fight or flight response is supposed to be a short-term response to intense situational stress—not a long-term state of being. We can’t exist indefinitely in a survival state without running out of energy. Many of us who were trying new recipes, picking up new hobbies, and going deep with cleaning and organizing early in the year have run out of steam. It feels like thousands of meals have been cooked, new hobbies are difficult to focus on, and any remaining closets can stay cluttered—the motivation is gone.

Many people are getting from day to day by the sheer routine of it. Routine can be a normalizer in the midst of chaos. However, our routines look different. Work-life balance has taken on different meaning as many are trying to work, parent, teach, and maintain their homes at the same time and from the same space. There is no separation. As a working parent with children who have moved away from home during this time, my work-life balance is more distant. I support my adult children via text and video chat, providing the best reassurance I can from a distance. We are a family who thrives on hugs, and that is not an option when we need it most. The huggers of the world struggle in this time of social distancing. Air hugs and elbow bumps are not the same, especially with those we love who are not a part of our household. My son is in Chicago—a town that requires a 14-day quarantine for anyone coming from our home state. My mom, who is grieving the loss of her mom, is in the higher risk category. I have too much exposure through my job for it to be safe to possibly pass germs to her—and cases continue to rise where she is.

How do we combat this time in our lives? There is no easy answer. I am so thankful for technology that allows calling, texting, and video chats during our time of distance. It is not exactly what we want, but it is a step in the right direction. I can see my kids’ faces and know that they are there and are hanging in there. I see my dear friends in my driveway, enjoying a drink around the fire pit and some much-needed conversation. I try to be patient with myself and with others, understanding that there will be ups and downs in emotions, productivity, and focus. I do my best to take the opportunity to speak life into others, ensuring that they are seen and heard in the midst of the distance. There is comfort in knowing that the feelings that we are having are normal, and even expected at this time.

We might be done with the chaos of 2020, but it is not done with us. With patience and grace, we will make it through—and we will have stories to tell and lessons learned, whether we want them or not!

Thanks for reading! 😊 EW

Grief and Grieving

Originally posted 10/5/2020

Welcome back to another Mental Health Monday. Today’s topic is grief & grieving. When the phone rings at a time that you typically don’t see, you know that the news can’t be good. This was my Thursday morning. At 4:12AM, my phone rang. As soon as I saw that it was my mother, I knew the news that I was likely to hear. My grandmother had taken a sharp turn toward the end of her life. My mother was on the way to her nursing home to be with her. I was immediately fully awake and was making plans to rearrange the day to head that way as well. At 4:39AM, my phone rang again. It was too late. My grandmother had passed before my mother arrived. We talked for a few minutes, cried, and agreed to talk again after she had finished the business that needed to be done at the nursing home. By the time we spoke again at 6:15AM, it had fully sunk in. My sweet grandmother was gone. And I wasn’t able to be there. Death is hard. Death during a pandemic is even harder. I hadn’t seen my grandmother since a few days after Christmas due to pandemic restrictions. The things put in place in an effort to keep her safe meant that she died alone. I am extremely grateful to the staff of the nursing home who cared for her, loved her, and were there for her when we couldn’t be. They could not have been more amazing in their care, and in keeping my mother informed over the past 7 months. They are superheroes.

Grief is a strange thing. It is a huge mix of emotions that, at times, feel like they shouldn’t be possible at the same time. Crushing sadness and intense celebration should be mutually exclusive, but somehow, they aren’t. Somehow, grieving allows those thoughts and feelings to all happen at once, sometimes with equal intensity.

Words can’t express how thankful I am that she is no longer sick, no longer missing my grandfather and longing for him, no longer confused and sad. I am thankful that she doesn’t need the neck collar that she dutifully wore for 5 years for a neck fracture that her aging bones couldn’t heal. She is well, and I celebrate that! I celebrate the years that I had with her, the memories that we made, the stories that she told, and the lessons I learned from her. I will continue to share those memories and lessons with pride.

Words also can’t express my sadness. There are no more memories to be made, only previous ones to be shared. No more hugs, hands to be held, comfort to give or receive. I wasn’t there, and I so desperately wanted to be. Every time she has been sick for the past 6+ years, I have been there. This time I wasn’t—and I hadn’t been in months. I took time off from work to spend time with her over those years, trying to visit at least monthly to soak up all the time and memories I could. The pandemic had other plans. I didn’t want her to be alone in the final moments of her life—but that wasn’t a choice that I got to make.

Grief is strange. I long to have something to do, some sort of death related business that will bring closure or feel like I’m engaged in the process in some way. That doesn’t really exist. Plans had been made ahead of time, so now we wait until those plans have been carried out. In the midst of the emotions, it is difficult to keep the perspective that death is a regular occurrence—a part of life. The business of death is a fairly smooth operation to those outside of the emotion. I am grateful for those people as well. The business of this would not be smooth if the steps were up to me. In this moment, I am walking in a surreal fog. It feels as though I am out of step with the rest of the world, like I am living in a different reality or that time is moving at a different pace for me than those around me. Clinically, I know that is normal and a part of the grieving process. Personally, it is extremely tough—even as I know that I will get through it.

The emotions of grief—all of them—are real. They are valid. They are to be experienced as they come and for as long as they come. We don’t honor the person who left us by pushing off grief. We honor them by experiencing it, trudging through the good and the bad, and finding ways to be true to the memories, the legacy, and the person in the midst of our grief.

Thanks for reading! EW

Dog Paws and Mental Health

Originally posted 9/28/2020

Welcome back to Mental Health Monday. Today’s blog is a little bit different. It is inspired by my most recent rescue dog, Trebuchet (Tre for short) Just for a little background, I live in a very animal loving and very weird household (said with love to all who inhabit it 😊 ) We currently have 3 dogs—Beau, Eros & Trebuchet and 2 cats—Katana and Claymore. Yep, that’s how we roll. All of our animals are rescues, and all of them have their own special traits as a result. We lovingly refer to them as our Island of Misfit Pets.

Today’s mental health thoughts come from my morning with Tre. Tre was rescued when he was just under a year old (the vet estimated 10-12 months). We believe that he had been a stray on the streets up until that time. Given his time on his own, he has high survival instincts and low trust. His social development is delayed, and he has very high attention needs. He has adapted pretty well to our crazy home, but there are still moments where it is very clear that he is skeptical of human interaction. The most obvious is when he is hurting in some way.

A few days ago, Tre started paying a lot of attention to one of his paws. I checked it out and saw that he had a small sore. It has continued to grow and develop into something that looked pretty rough this morning, so it was time for a call to the vet. Thanks to the pandemic, the vet only operates by curbside appointment or drop off. A previous injury and attempted nail trim taught us that drop off would be bad—they often result in undue trauma to him and to anyone who attempts to touch him when “his people” are not around. So, curbside it was. Lots of waiting in the car for a few minutes with a vet who advised Epsom salt soaks and a cone. Soaking a dog paw in warm Epsom salt water is a thrilling tale for another time—and he has already managed to Houdini his way out of the cone.

All of this to say, pets have an amazing way of changing our perspective. I woke up this morning semi-grumpy with allergy issues and a sore back from household projects and cleaning that have been done this week. I was planning on the day being one of pajamas, coffee, and doing as little as possible. Then along came Tre, who needed me to be a dog mom when he was hurting. My sore back no longer mattered. I was no longer grumpy. I was outside myself and thinking about his needs rather than my feelings in the moment. It wasn’t that my feelings weren’t valid and important—his needs were just more important. They got me out of my own way.

Sometimes we need to get out of our own way and see things outside ourselves. This doesn’t minimize our feelings; it just gives them a different perspective. The body of research on the positive impact on pets and mental health is significant. I hope to write more about this in future posts. Companionship, acceptance, belonging, and purpose can all come from having pets. Pets are also a fantastic sounding board—they love to listen and won’t give you unsolicited advice! There has been a significant increase in pet adoption during the pandemic. I hope that all the new pet parents will continue to provide good homes as life returns closer to normal. They need us—and we need them too.

Thanks for reading! 😊 EW

Stress, Worry & Anxiety

Originally posted 9/21/2020

Welcome back to Mental Health Monday! Today’s topic is worry and anxiety. Public health, personal/family health, finances, job security, relationships, injustice, discrimination, politics, and so many other hot topics are at the forefront of an unprecedented time in history. Each of these things individually would be stressful, but added together, they can be overwhelming. These are uncertain times, and with uncertainty come worry and anxiety.

Anxiety can look very different depending on the person and the situation. When I am teaching staff at work about how to recognize and de-escalate crisis in its earliest stages, I tell them to look for any change in behavior in the person with whom they are working. The same is true when looking at anxiety in oneself or in someone we are close to. Anxiety can be subtle, especially as it is first building. We might be struggling to focus—or hyper focused on one thought or idea. We might notice muscle tension or headaches or even an eye twitch. Stress and anxiety can mess with sleep patterns, eating patterns, interactions with others, and our interactions with ourselves.

How do we deal with uncertainty in our world? How do we walk through our day to day life without continuous stress and worry or feeling like we are trudging through deep snow or walking on sand (but not in a fun, beachy way 😉) ? As I have dealt with anxiety in my life, I have recognized a few things that can help:

Be patient

When I am finding that the stress of my life is impacting my day to day life, I first remind myself to be patient. Stress is real. Worry is valid. Anxiety is an acceptable response to stressful circumstances. Owning those feelings and thoughts as real can help me process through them in an intentional way. Taking the time needed to process what is causing the stress and whether or not the circumstances are things I can change or control is important. For those things I can change, I look at what is needed for change to occur. For those things that I can’t, I look at what I can do to handle things productively in the midst of my current circumstances.

Evaluate routine

During times of stress and anxiety, I find myself looking more closely at my routines. Have I gotten out of my typical routine and into “survival mode” to address my stressful circumstances? Sometimes the survival mindset causes more anxiety than it helps. Routine helps me to be intentional and grounded in my day to day world—ensuring that I am acknowledging and relying on the familiar at times when things are uncertain. When I am able to rely on my routine rather than simply surviving my day, I am better able to separate the stressful circumstances in my life from my life as a whole. I can remind myself that circumstances do not have to define who I am—a period of time is not the whole picture of life.

Find fun

Stress can be overwhelming and exhausting. Anxiety can bring frustration and negativity. Sometimes I just have to find some fun. As I am patient with myself and my emotions, I need to remember to look for things that make me laugh, help me feel refreshed, and get me out of my own head. Reading fun fiction, listening to music, watching movies, riding my bike, taking walks, and spending time with friends all help to get me outside myself and give perspective to my stressful circumstance being only a part of my reality. As cliché as it is—sometimes laughter is the best medicine.

Seek help

While it is important to recognize that all periods of stress and anxiety do not have to be a diagnosed “disorder,” it is equally important to recognize when we need additional help. We are complex beings and our feelings and emotions are complex. They occur on a spectrum, sometimes ebbing on their own and at other times needing more help to subside. I am so thankful that progress has been made in the stigma of mental health assistance, but I recognize that there is still a long way to go. Seeking counseling is not a weakness—and often it is more beneficial that expected. Medication can also be a positive step at times, even just in the short term or during a particularly difficult or stressful circumstance. While the prescription bottle comes with a label, it does not put a label on you.

If you or someone you know is experiencing anxiety to the point that it is having a negative impact on day to day life, do not be afraid to seek assistance. Talk to a doctor, a counselor, a mentor—someone you trust to provide guidance during this time. No one needs to struggle alone.

Thanks for reading! 😊 EW

Lessons From Depression Part 2

Originally posted 9/14/2020

Welcome back to Mental Health Monday! Today we’re continuing our discussion from last week focusing on mental health basics and depression.

Many mental health diagnoses occur on a spectrum, which sometimes gets confusing to those who don’t have much experience. All depressed people are not suicidal. All suicidal people are not depressed. All people with anxiety are not introverted. All introverted people do not have anxiety. All people with ADHD do not respond to distractions in the same way. Hopefully you get where I’m going here…individual people are just that—individual. There is no “one size fits all” about any diagnosis. Your experience is yours. Mine is mine. And both are valid and ok.

My experience with depression throughout my adult life has mostly allowed for me to continue to function in my day to day life. It is a struggle at times, and I know when I need to be patient with myself and when I need to kick myself in the butt and keep going. I am fortunate in that. There are times when I feel like calling in sick to work and I absolutely refuse to because I know that it will start me down a path that is less healthy (side note—I do my best to stay home when I am sick with something contagious. I am not promoting that anyone go to work sick!) There are also times when I know that I should be exercising more, eating better, and generally taking better care of my physical health needs (like showering regularly), and I know that I need to be patient and do what I can do. Forcing myself, judging myself, or trying to ignore the feelings I’m having will only make things significantly worse.

Sometimes things outside of my direct control make depression more of a factor in my world. One example is chronic pain. I have degenerative disc disease and spent 4 years with pretty significant back pain before I had surgery. That was a super tough combination with depression. It was hard to keep believing that I would feel better, and extremely humbling to have to rely on other people for assistance with basic tasks. I quickly learned that pain medication (which generally makes me feel pretty sick anyway) was NOT a good mix with my depression. So, Tylenol & Ibuprofen only! Other life events have made depression a bigger consideration for me: divorce (my parents and my own), my kids struggling through various life stages, graduating from college (both times!), job related stress. All of these make a lot of sense as they cause additional emotions in my world which often don’t play well with the other things I feel.

At other times, there has been seemingly no situational cause. Life can be good. Things can be fairly status quo. At those times, I am more directly reminded that mental health diagnoses are often chemical imbalances. Depression is a physiological issue, not just an emotional issue. I don’t always see it coming but, I certainly can’t miss it once it starts to come to the forefront. There doesn’t have to be a triggering event. Sometimes it just is what it is. That is another reason why it is so important to be patient with ourselves at those times.

And now for the discussion topic that we have all been waiting for: depression and the pandemic! There is not a mental health diagnosis that has thrived during the pandemic. There was no training, no warning, and no way for us as human beings to understand what it was going to be like to do through something our generations have never been through before. Isolation is hard. Virtual relationships are hard. Virtual learning is hard. Grocery delivery is hard. Not being able to find toilet paper (even when you don’t really need it but someone says that everyone should stock up??) is hard. Nothing about this time in our history has been easy. We are generally spending WAY more time with our immediate family than any of us are accustomed to and having WAY less routine when we do it. That alone is enough to make anyone struggle. Those with mental health diagnoses, those who live alone, those who don’t have extra resources, have struggled even more. So little of this is anything we can wrap our minds around—especially as we are seeing that it is lasting so much longer than anyone ever imagined. It is hard, and it is ok to say that it is hard.

If you or someone you love has a mental health diagnosis, know that you are seen, you are heard, and there are those who have an understanding for what you go through each day (another side note—I do everything I can to never say “I understand” because so often we don’t truly understand, we just don’t know what else to say) We will get through this by relying on those we love and trust and seeking support and assistance when we need it. No stigma, no judgement, just doing the best we can to make it from day to day.

Thanks for reading! 😊 EW

Lessons from Depression Part 1

Originally posted 9/7/2020

Hey there! It’s Mental Health Monday! Not sure if this will continue as a pattern, but as the first Monday I’m posting, it could be the start of a trend.

My background and training are in counseling. Psychology, human development, sociology, and relationship dynamics have always fascinated me. I have been told time and again that I can “read” people and see beyond the surface when I spend time with someone. It is a passion of mine to understand people. It is easier to be helpful when you understand.

There has always been a stigma surrounding mental health diagnoses, which often prevents people from seeking assistance when they need it. This has always frustrated me. There are so many diagnoses that are not obvious—with both physical health and mental health—it is sad that there is so much judgment associated with things that others can’t see. But, that is a post for another time…

While I have clinical understanding and professional experience with a number of mental health diagnoses, I have personal experience with depression. I was first diagnosed with depression after the birth of my youngest child. While her birth was smooth, the weeks and months that followed were difficult. I thought that I was handling things well, all things considered—everyone cries continuously when they are exhausted from caring for a newborn and a preschooler, right? Maybe, but it never hurts to seek help, either with counseling, medication, or a combination of both. I have done both throughout the course of my adult life.

I adore my counselor. She listens, provides perspective, challenges me to grow, recommends great books, and talks with me about professional growth as well. I can’t imagine not checking in with her like I do. At times, I have seen her weekly, but for the most part, I see her once a month as a time to stop, reflect, and process the stuff of life. Again, I highly recommend finding a fantastic counselor. Even without insurance, there are options for counseling—there are free clinics and those who have their rates on a sliding scale to assist anyone who might struggle to pay. Payment should never be a reason to avoid getting the help that you need!

I am thankful that I found an amazing counselor to work with the first time I was looking for someone to talk to. There are times that a counselor & client don’t mesh—whether it is for personality differences, different values/work view, or different counseling philosophy. And, if we are honest, sometimes it is because the person says things that we don’t want to hear or process in that moment. A savvy counselor will recognize that and adjust their approach, but it is also ok if the person is not the right fit. Try again—and keep trying until you find someone you trust and can truly talk to.

For those who might not be aware, counselors do not prescribe medications. They can recommend that you see someone who can prescribe, but they are there to talk to—not to medicate. Also, you do not have to see a psychiatrist to get a prescription for many mental health medications. If you have a primary care physician, you can speak with them to see if a medication can be recommended & prescribed. Many basic medications for depression and anxiety are prescribed without a psychiatrist.

Another quick note—a mental health diagnosis, counseling, and/or medication do not mean that you are “crazy”! Crazy is not a thing. It is a very overused, under-considered word that places judgment where it doesn’t belong. As I am new here and am attempting to avoid soap boxes, I will stop there—but no, you’re not crazy. I’m not crazy. Your quirky neighbor is not crazy. Crazy is not a thing.

Thanks for reading! 😊 EW